First thing's first

So I probably think about D&D generally, and the game I am running specifically, like 3 hours a day. I spend time reading blogs and articles about how I can be a better DM and run a better game for my group. I bug my players with questions and emails and gchats when they'd rather be working. As a result, I think, I've gone from being a pretty crap DM to one that at least can run a fun game for my players once a week.

What I'd like to do in this space is chronicle that journey. Actually that sounds really pompous. What I'd like to do is write about being a DM and working to get better at it, because it's a craft that I love and want to be better at. If someone else reads this and it helps them too, then cool.

When I started two years ago, I was not a good DM. That isn't to say I am now, just that I know I was not then. I had interesting story ideas, NPCs, monsters, blah blah but my minute to minute execution of DMing the game was dogshit. I was imperious, opaque, and frequently annoyed with my players. I wanted them to play the game I wanted to run, rather than running the game they wanted to play. I had yet to learn the first rule of playing D&D, dumb as that sounds. Somehow I played a dozen games over a dozen years and never learned the first rule. What a moron.

What is the first rule? The purpose of playing the game is to have fun playing a game together. It sounds so obvious and I even feel a bit dumb writing it down but I think it bears repeating, early and often, even with the most veteran groups of players.

When you keep the first rule in mind, you write a game your players will enjoy, rather than the game that sounds best to you in your head. When you keep the first rule in mind, you're communicating effectively with your players about their environment and their characters, empowering them with agency. When you keep the first rule in mind, you're empowering the players to accomplish their character's goals rather than trying to thwart them with devious traps and monsters and invisible walls.

So that was the first, most fundamental thing I had to learn. Once you grok that though, you can start to build out of rest of your skill set with that guiding principle.